


Not Trapped Anymore

by iippo



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gem Fusion, Gen, New fusion, dealing with the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:20:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23199226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iippo/pseuds/iippo
Summary: Lapis Lazuli learns to dance.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21
Collections: Genuary 2021





	Not Trapped Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Set somewhere after Steven Universe Future episode 8, "Why So Blue?"

Lapis Lazuli found Garnet of the Crystal Gems alone in Steven’s beach house. They had never really talked privately and she felt nervous approaching someone who was a fusion that included a Sapphire; Sapphires made Lapis uneasy.

“Hello Lapis,” Garnet greeted the blue gem as she entered.

“Hello Garnet. You probably know why I’m here,” Lapis said.

“Not really,” Garnet replied honestly. “I have seen many possible paths that would lead to this moment of you seeking me out and honestly I’m a little nervous about which one it is,” she explained and watched Lapis expectantly. Some of the possible futures included Garnet and Lapis fighting, and Garnet knew Steven would be so upset if that were to happen.

“Oh.” Lapis was surprised at the answer. She felt a little less nervous knowing that Garnet was also nervous. “I wanted to ask you for some advice, and, well,” – she had a hard time spitting it out, but Garnet didn’t say or do anything, in fact she didn’t move at all, waiting for Lapis to find her courage and the right words – “it’s fusion,” she finally managed to explain. “I want to find a way to fuse. With someone. Not you!” She hurried to add, then panicked, “I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with you! It’s not you, it’s me, I just need to first work on getting...”

While Lapis spoke, Garnet held completely still but inside her Ruby and Sapphire were turning cartwheels and throwing confetti. Fusion was Garnet’s favourite thing and she knew which gem Lapis wanted to fuse with and she couldn’t wait to meet their fusion. But she also knew something else.

“You have had a terrible experience with fusion as Malachite,” Garnet interrupted and disappeared her visor. Lapis stopped her blathering, looked Garnet in the eyes and nodded. “I’m really sorry that happened to you. I would be honoured to help you find a way to fuse again.”

Lapis wasn’t able to say anything but a sincere “thank you” to Garnet’s frank words.

Garnet went into infodumping mode. “Each fusion is a different unique experience, just like meep-morps. A fusion is more than the individual gems forming it, just like the essence of a meep-morp is more than the materials used to form it. Everything you bring to the fusion will be multiplied by everything the other gem brings to the fusion. You are stronger and bigger together, and it can be frightening to suddenly have power you cannot control.” Garnet spoke passionately, reflecting on all the complicated fusion experiences she had gone through: Sugilite nearly hurting the people she loved, how the experience of being Sardonyx had been tainted by deception, and the drain on her body that was Alexandrite’s immense strength.

Lapis had no idea of the breadth and dept of Garnet’s experiences and she heard Garnet’s words only through her own experience – and to her it seemed like Garnet could see right into her gem and read her like an open book. Is that something Garnet could do? Could she read minds? Lapis felt uncomfortable, the idea of someone knowing her innermost thoughts reminded her of Jasper and how she had known everything about Lapis after their fusion as Malachite.

Garnet noticed something had changed in Lapis’ mood. “Sorry, I got carried away thinking about my fusion experiences. I can’t imagine what it was like for you.” Garnet knew Lapis Lazulis were some of the most powerful gems ever created; she had witnessed this Lapis alone withstand a direct attack from Blue Diamond, which hand knocked everyone else on their knees. And here she was blathering to a gem like that about frightening amounts of power.

Garnet’s apology astonished Lapis. “But you were absolutely spot on!” She exclaimed. “I thought you could read my mind, you were describing my experience of Malachite so accurately!”

Garnet laughed in disbelief. Lapis thought she had mindreading powers? Then she realised that she was also assuming Lapis had unimaginable powers.

“It seems that we both overestimate each other,” Garnet mused out loud. “Maybe we aren’t so different after all. This is good: we can both lower our defences and try to be more open to each other. Let’s go,” She got up apbruptly and stepped on the warp pad.

Lapis was still somewhat unsure but she stepped up onto the platform. Garnet turned to face her; they stood close, almost touching.

“The most frightening part of fusion is coming face to face with the darkest sides of yourself, seeing them multiplied,” Garnet explained in a quiet voice. “You can prepare by practicing accepting all aspects of yourself before attempting to fuse with someone else, where those things might take you by surprise.” Lapis nodded. “Take us to a place where you can explore your shadows.”

Lapis thought for a minute, unsure what to do, but then determination streamed into her: she knew exactly where they should go and warped them out.

After a short stay in the warp stream where neither gem said anything, they arrived at the Galaxy Warp. The large stone platform emerging from the middle of the ocean was filled with several warp pads, with the large Homeworld warp at the center. Garnet was surprised at Lapis’ choice. This is where Pearl had found the mirror. But Lapis didn’t explain her choice. She didn’t hesitate at all as she stepped off the warp pad and walked towards the center. The water began to rise, following her steps like a puppy. Garnet looked down as her feet got wet, then followed Lapis. She used the water to create a mirror the same way she had done when she had been here with Steven. She sighed deep. “I’m ready.” Garnet nodded.

Lapis stepped onto the mirror’s surface and looked down at her own reflection. Garnet watched from the side, careful not to disturb her.

After a moment the reflection began moving on its own. While the real Lapis stood still, gazing down, the Lapis in the reflection was glacing around nervously. Like she was scared. Like she was trapped and panicking. She spread her water-wings to fly but she hit the surface of the mirror like a bird under a glass and she fell backwards. She ran as fast as she could but she was running in place, exhausting herself without making any progress. She fell down on her knees and looked down into the depths of the mirror. A huge shadowy figure was rising from the murky darkness. Garnet saw the shape and recognised it as Malachite, hair streaming wildly, eyes glowing, crawling on her hands, monstrous. Mirror-Lapis trembled in fear. When the mirror-Malachite reached her and the figure became clear, Garnet was barely able to stifle her gasp: the shadowy figure of Malachite was recognisably Lapis herself, carrying a helpless Jasper in her clutches. She stretched forth her hand to the kneeling Lapis to crush her, who tried to resist but was so weak from all the attempts to escape. Garnet finally noticed the thin thread of water connecting the shivering Lapis and the monstrous Malachite-Lapis. She realised that no matter how hard Lapis tried to run, no matter where she fled, this feeling of monstrosity would always follow her and find her.

Garnet crossed from the edge of the mirror to the center where the real Lapis was standing perfectly still, with no outward signs of the constrant struggle raging inside of her. Garnet stood next to her and put her arm around her shoulders. The image in the mirror faded. Garnet felt Lapis become dead weight and steadied her grip to not let her fall. From the outside it seemed like nothing had changed. They stood like that, stoically, Garnet propping Lapis up, not letting her crumple to the ground and lose all this progress. They stood there a good long moment.

At length Lapis regained her strength and stood on her own feet again. Garnet held on a moment longer before letting go.

“It just seems so, hopeless,” Lapis gasped, feeling ashamed that Garnet had seen what a monster she is.

“I know,” Garnet said. “And I wish that I could tell you that I can see you in the future, where you have overcome all this, and that you could just believe me and skip to the end. But that’s not how the future works, especially not on Earth where anything can happen, anything can change in the blink of an eye.“ Lapis looked at Garnet like she had just offered a drowning person a glass of water.

Garnet unfused. Sapphire stepped forward and took Lapis by the hand. “A very brilliant gem once taught me that even if you know exactly what will happen in the future, it still matters how you feel in the moment.” Ruby followed her, also stepped up and took Lapis by the other hand. “I don’t know how you feel or what I could say. But I just want you to know that I will do anything to help you.”

Lapis trembled with emotions: she was touched, but also afraid, and doubtful. And as much as she understood what a special moment this was, she despised herself since she knew she had no way to stop the monster inside of her, and she blurted out: “Why?! Why are you so stupid?! Don’t you understand what you just saw?!”

Neither Ruby and Sapphire flinched at Lapis’ words (though Ruby did feel very indignant that Lapis had called Sapphire stupid and Ruby couldn’t defend her, and her body temperature rose slightly for a moment) and each simply held her hands firmly.

Lapis felt frustration well inside of her and the water lapping around their feet responded to her emotions: it rose and rose, becoming more and more turbulent until it covered the shorter gems completely and reached Lapis to the neck. Ruby and Sapphire didn’t budge, they just held her by the hands, squeezing their eyes (or in Sapphire’s case, eye) tightly shut. The water felt tight around her neck, strangling her, pushing her down. She struggled against it but she couldn’t focus to control her powers. The pressure built and built until—

Lapis screamed. A primal scream filled with fear, frustration, anger, a burning need for everything to stop.

The water around them shot straight into the air, propelled by Lapis’ scream, leaving the three gems standing on the warp pad. They looked up. The mass of water flew incredibly high and hung in the air as individual droplets as the upward momentum died down but gravity hadn’t got hold yet.

It was incredibly beautiful.

And then gravity got hold.

The water had flown so high it got icy cold in the upper part of the atmosphere, and it all fell on the three gems with massive force like a bucket of ice water being poured on their heads. The shock of the cold splash made all the gems grimace.

Lapis, Ruby and Sapphire all stood there sopping wet, hair plastered along their heads, and clothes clinging to their limbs, looking at each other until almost simultaneously they all started to crack up. Little stifled giggles escaped until they couldn’t hold it any longer and all three of them laughed and laughed and laughed, doubling over, falling over, rolling around laughing until it was physically impossible to keep laughing.

Ruby and Sapphire stepped up to each other and fused back into Garnet. Lapis sighed deep at the sight. That was the kind of fusion experience she longed for. And she knew she would be able do it, one day.

They walked to the warp pad and agreed to meet the next day for lesson number two.

\- - - -

The next day they met at the beach by the Crystal Temple. “Another way you can prepare for fusion, is dance practice,” Garnet explained with a grin. “Physical movement is a good way to get familiar with your body and feelings. Being confident in your own dance style makes it easier to synchronize with another gem. Plus, dancing’s fun,” she added.

“But, there’s no music,” Lapis pointed out, feeling very self-conscious.

“In a way it is easier to dance where there is no music. You can sort of hear it inside yourself,” Garnet explained. “For example,” she continued, and started to dance, “the music I hear is low and rumbling, basses and drums, very funky and fun.” 

Lapis stood watching Garnet dance and tried to match her movements but it was impossible. From her point of view Garnet’s movement’s were completely erratic.

“Try closing your eyes – it makes it easier to hear your music,” Garnet adviced. “I’ll close my eyes too, if you’re feeling shy.”

Lapis closed her eyes and felt the wind in her hair and the rhythm of the waves nearby. It felt like each wave brought wobbling chords to the shore, that tickled at her feet. Sounds that felt distorted, but kind of cool when combined one after another, leaving the distorted, static-y buzzing in the air to harmonise with the next chord the wave brought in. She could feel something like clear bells tickling her sides. She began to dip and bow in rhythm to the waves, following them instead of controlling them. Her hands lapped the air like the water lapped the sand. She turned and twisted like an undercurrent meeting the shore finds a different way to go.

Garnet was peeking but she didn’t say anything to disturb Lapis, because it seemed like she was finally finding her own rhythm.

\- - - -

After dance practice Garnet took Lapis to Beach City. “I’ve asked someone to meet us at Fish Stew Pizza,” Garnet explained and they entered the restaurant. Lapis had a good hunch who that someone would be. They took a seat and waited. Human customers came and went. Then mayor Pizza entered with her Ruby bodyguards. Lapis was surprised as they joined their table – she had been sure they were going to meet Steven.

The mayor greeted Garnet and Lapis briefly and then left the Rubies with them while she went to greet her family in the staff only -area.

Garnet explained the situation to the Rubies: “Lapis is studying fusion. Could you two demonstrate a same-gem fusion for us?”

“Sure thing!” Said Ruby. “No problem!” Said Ruby. They glanced at each other, nodded and linked arms. Their bodies turned into light and soon a much larger Ruby sat with them at the table.

“A same-gem fusion is the same gem as its component parts,” Garnet explained to Lapis, who nodded thoughtfully.

“Yep!” Said Ruby with a deep voice. “I’m still me! Just bigger!”

“As you can see, they didn’t need to dance to synchronize their intent to fuse. As the same type of gem, they are naturally quite synchronized and can fuse with a look and a touch. Similarly, they can choose to unfuse at any time since they cannot lose their personalities to the fusion.” Garnet continued.

“Huh,” Lapis said, pondering. If she could try fusing with another Lapis, it might not be as frightening: the risk to lose herself or to lose control seemed smaller, and the knowledge that the fusion could be ended at any moment made Lapis feel safer. She was about to turn to tell Garnet what she was thinking when the restaurant door chimed again. Another Lapis Lazuli entered, the one Lapis and Steven had invited to join Little Homeschool; the one that had seen Lapis lose control on the planet the two other Lapises were terraforming. She was scanning the room with her eyes, spotted Garnet behind the large Ruby, and approached their table. Lapis felt like she needed to run away. But she didn’t, because she always felt like she needed to run away and had learnt to resist that urge.

Lapis stared at her with her mouth slightly open. Garnet noticed the new Lapis and stood up to greet her. Then she turned to Lapis sitting at the table and explained: “I asked Lapis Lazuli here if she would be willing to help our project. So if you are interested in trying fusion with another Lapis, it is possible.” Garnet studied Lapis’ expression carefully; she detected a hint of panic in Lapis’ eyes. “But it is completely up to you. If you don’t feel ready, it is okay, right Lapis?” She addressed the standing Lapis Lazuli at the end of her sentence.

“Oh yeah, absolutely,”she replied. “I am willing to help if you need it,” she added.

Lapis was torn. Garnet was doing that thing again where she seemed to know what Lapis was thinking and feeling, and her first instinct was to hide: no one must know, it was not safe to be known. But Garnet had done nothing but support her, so if she knew what Lapis was feeling, it was only to be better able to help her. She took a deep breath and nodded. “I would like to try it.”

Garnet and Lapis Lazuli both smiled at Lapis’ words, and Ruby cheered.

Ruby spotted mayor Pizza returning and unfused to join her, and Garnet led both Lapis Lazulis out of the restaurant and towards the beach.

“We’ll have a bit more privacy here,” Garnet explained. “Now, I know I said same type gems find it easier to synchronize, but since you haven’t worked together before like those Rubies have, and since you have erm, led such different lives,” Garnet glanced at Lapis, “it is probably best if you nonetheless dance to attempt fusion.”

Both Lapises nodded, and took a few steps away from Garnet to have enough room. The recently arrived Lapis closed her eyes and swayed, a very rudimentary form of dancing. Lapis watched her as she danced in her own way, throwing her arms in the air, making hand gestures, and eventually she closed her eyes to really go for it, just for a moment.

When she opened her eyes, she couldn’t see the other Lapis anywhere. She looked over to Garnet to make sure she hadn’t disappeared too, and noticed that her fusion teacher seemed... really excited. Garnet had the biggest grin that could fit on her face and she was clasping her face with her hands.

“You did it!” Garnet cheered.

Lapis looked around and then down and finally noticed that the ground was a lot further down than usually. And her clothes had details she didn’t usually have and—

“Oh my stars we fused!” Lapis yelled with stars in her eyes. She ran to Garnet and hugged her. “And it’s exactly as Ruby said, I’m me, just bigger!”

Then concern started to creep onto her face. “But if I’m... me, then are we both... me...?” She processed her experience out loud. “I... think I want to unfuse now...” she said and turned into light. They unfused calmly and the two Lapis Lazulis stood on the beach, not touching each other.

Lapis did her best to maintain composure. “Thank you for your help, Lapis,” she said formally, hoping the other blue gem would leave soon.

“Yes thank you,” Garnet stepped forward. “We all really appreciate it.”

“No problem,” she replied graciously, and, reading the room correctly, added: “I must head off now. But let me know if you need anything else.” The recently arrived Lapis Lazuli spread her water wings and flew away.

Lapis turned to Garnet feeling relieved, forgetting to worry about appearances. She blurted out all of her concerns that had caused her to want to unfuse.

“If I didn’t disappear, does that mean that the other Lapis didn’t disappear either? Does she now know everything, about me, and, Malachite, and--?”

“Do you know everything about her?” Garnet asked.

Lapis looked at her like Garnet had just asked the stupidest question.

“In a fusion it is possible to share everything, but it is also possible to conceal even really big things. Rose Quartz fused with all of us and none of us had any idea that she was actually Pink Diamond,” Garnet explained. “And more importantly, most people are really focused on themselves. You didn’t learn Lapis Lazuli’s secrets because you were thinking of yourself, and Lapis Lazuli most likely didn’t learn your secrets either for the same reason. When you are fused, you can access all of your memories if you try to, but most people don’t try to remember things without a reason to do it.”

Lapis stood quietly, thinking about what Garnet had said and how she was feeling.

“I think it was good to try same-gem fusion,” Lapis said slowly. “But I think I would need to fuse with someone I trust.” She made eye contact with Garnet as she spoke the word trust, then looked away.

“I understand,” Garnet said. “Meet me here tomorrow.”

\- - - -

When Lapis returned to the beach the next day, Garnet was waiting for her – with Steven Universe.

“Hi Lapis!” Steven greeted her and waved enthusiastically. Lapis smiled, genuinely smiled, at the sight of the boy. She hadn’t seen him since their trip to stopping those other Lapises; he was always so busy, and Lapis didn’t even understand with what.

“Steven!” Lapis greeted him back and flew the rest of the way to them. “Nice to see you!”

“Nice to see you too,” Steven laughed and hugged her.

“What’s going on?” Lapis asked and looked from Steven to Garnet and back again.

“I asked Steven to help us,” Garnet explained. “How do you feel about the idea of trying to fuse with Steven?”

“Oh! I hadn’t... really thought...” Lapis was astonished and she fumbled with her words. Steven was her oldest friend – they had become friends back when Lapis was still a magical mirror – and he had saved her from the mirror, and he had always helped her and Peridot with everything. But... he was a diamond, Lapis thought and recoiled. But then he looked at him, smiling expectantly. Did he want to fuse with her? Why would he want that? “I’m sure you’re too busy, and I was thinking more like—“ She looked at Garnet, and then at Steven, whose happy open face seemed to have fallen a little bit.

Lapis recognised her thought patterns were turning dark, and noped out of there.

“It’s okay Lapis, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, don’t worry, it’s okay, really,” Steven started to blather as well.

“No no it’s not that at all, of course I would—“

Steven glanced at Garnet, who was smiling. Lapis fell quiet, and took a deep breath.

“I think... it is a good idea,” Lapis finally said. “I would like to try fusing with you.”

Steven beamed and threw his arms in the air. “Fusion!”

“Fusion,” Garnet said and beamed back at him.

Just like the day before, Lapis walked a few paces away from Garnet, towards the water. Steven took a few steps too. They started to dance, like they had at the mission, and countless other times. Even the water of the ocean started to lap the beach to their rhythm. Garnet could barely contain herself when their bodies turned to light and a brand new fusion stood in front of her.

“Wow!” She said with a soft Geordie accent. “I’m here! This is it!”

She was round and short, she had wavy short dark blue hair in a bob, a black t-shirt under a white halter-top and jeans shorts under a blue bell-shaped dress flaring out, held with a golden ribbon for a belt. She had two arms, two legs, two eyes, and water-wings sprouting from her back gemstone in the shape of butterfly wings.

“Oh my goodness! I’m... I’m an Aquamarine!” She exclaimed after a thorough look at herself. Garnet fortunately had her visor on so that Aquamarine didn’t see the nervous sideways glance she made. Aquamarine continued to muse: “How do I feel about that? The Aquamarines Steven and Lapis have met haven’t been the nicest gems, but, if anyone has proved that gem type is not destiny it’s Steven, so... I’m okay, I’m okay with being Aquamarine.”

Garnet smiled. “And how is it going for Lapis?” She asked.

Aquamarine turned to look at Garnet, and thought for a moment. “I think it’s okay. This... is an experience, for sure.”

“If you want, we can check in on her,” Garnet said. “Steven knows how.” She sat down and crossed her legs. Aquamarine followed suit. They assumed the meditation position, closed their eyes and focused.

Inside the fusion space, Steven and Lapis met Ruby and Sapphire. Lapis looked around amazed. “It’s so different than with Malachite,” she observed.

“That’s good,” Steven said with a laugh. “I would be pretty sad if it was the same!” He thought about Jasper, what it might be like to fuse witha big meanie like that.

Lapis observed Steven carefully. He didn’t seem to be struggling, or afraid. It really seemed that Lapis wasn’t hurting him. Shelooked over to Ruby and Sapphire.

“It’s different because there is balance,” Sapphire explained.

“Because Steven is a diamond?” Lapis asked; sheworried this meant that she could only fuse with gems that were strong enough to control her power. Despite what she had claimed, Jasper had not been strong enough, and she was a fully-formed Quartz soldier.

Steven frowned at the comment about his gem.

“No, because of emotional balance!” Ruby chimed in. “The fusion responds to your relationship. You don’t want to hurt Steven and you know Steven doesn’t want to hurt you. You feel safe to be yourself.”

“And since you have shared experiences and thoughts and feelings with each other before fusing, there are more familiar things for the fusion personality to build a stable foundation,” Sapphire continued.

Lapis thought about everything and smiled. Steven wasn’t the only gem those words applied to. Steven also smiled.

“Do you want to experience some more things together?” Steven asked with a smile.

“I think I have learnt what I’ve needed,” Lapis replied. “Do you want to do something more as Aquamarine?”

“Nah, I’m ready to stop if you are.”

Sapphire and Ruby smiled. Lapis and Steven were able to listen to each other so well, their fusion was very well balanced.

Back on the beach, Aquamarine got up and stretched, turned into light and Steven and Lapis were standing on the beach. Garnet stood up too.

“Thank you,”Lapis said, looking from Steven to Garnet.

“No problem,” Steven replied with a smile.

“Before you go,” Garnet said to Lapis, “I want to say sorry that you didn’t get to fuse with me. I wanted to make sure everything went well, and I felt like I could do that better if you were fusing with someone else and I could observe.”

Lapis blushed. Garnet was doing that infuriating knowing everything thing again.She had hoped Garnet hadn’t noticed. But she had grown to trust Garnet and she took a deep breath and let her awkward feeling dissipate. “You mean in case I lost it?” She replied.

“Well, yeah, that risk did exist,” Garnet admitted. “There is always a risk to fusion.”

Lapis nodded. “I think I’m better equipped to manage that risk now,” she said.

“I think so too.” Garnet smiled. “You’re ready.”

Lapis smiled through her blush. Did Garnet know what – and who – she was thinking of?

“Well, good night guys,” Steven said and headed off, and Lapis took to her wings and flew home. Garnet watched her flight as long as she could see her.

\- - - -

“Hi, Lapis!” Peridot greeted the arriving Lapis. She was finishing up a new meep-morp.

“Hi Peridot,” Lapis replied with a smile. She was home.


End file.
